We will miss you, (great) Grandpa

Monday, very early in the morning, my Grandpa Osterholt (my mom's dad) passed away. He has been I'll for quite a while, battling heart and kidney failure. Still, no one was really ready for him to go.

My mom lives in Tulsa, my Grandparents in St. Louis, and she has received the same call several times in the past couple years. The caller always says "your dad isn't doing very well, we don't think he will make it much longer.". Lucky for my mom, she doesn't work and could always catch the next flight to see him. Every time she went up to visit things would turn around and with a few medicine adjustments he would feel much better for a while.

That being said, he has been ready to go be with Jesus for quite a while. Grandpa told my mom several times he was ready to go. I rest assured that he is in a better place, happy, healthy, and visiting with all his family members he had lost throughout his 90+years here on Earth.

Grandpa, we love you and we already miss you. Watch over us and protect out memories of you. You were a great man. One of the greatest. And you were the leader of our family. Continue to give us guidance from above.

I am so happy grandpa got to meet his great grandsons, Jackson and Benjamin! I have always felt like my Dad's parents watch over Ben, and now Grandpa O can do the same.

The wake is Wednesday and the funeral Mass will be Thursday. I have not yet cried because I know he is in a better place, but tears will be shed over the next couple days as I spend time with my aunts, uncles, cousins, and my grieving Grandma who will be on her own for the first time in about 65 years.

Rest In Peace (Great) Grandpa O. We love you!

I'd like to be au natural please!

Since Benjamin just turned 6-months old, I thought it would be a good time to do something i wanted to do 6 months ago. Write about having Benjamin! Now don't cringe and prepare to be grossed out... I will keep it light.



I still remember how i felt right after I had him. Let me tell you... hormones after birth are everywhere!!! Let me give an example: When Ben was two days old, I cried "because he is twice as old as he was yesterday. He's already growing so fast." Yeah, I said that, choking through tears, but that's exactly how I thought and felt at that point. Erik always warns his friends now that the hormones you see after birth are wayyy crazier than what you see when your baby-mama is pregnant. :)



Anyway... with those after-birth hormones I was thinking I have to document this RIGHT NOW. I'll never be able to remember it if I don't. Wrong! I still remember it like it happened yesterday! And I think I always will...



In anticipation of Ben's arrival, Erik and I had a birth plan written out. I had 10 copies in my hospital bag that was packed and waiting by the door for four weeks before I finally had to use it. The plan was, essentially, to not have any medical intervention... no IV, no epidural, nada.



Benjamin was very stubborn and did not start making his appearance until 13 days after his "due" date, which should have been pretty accurate based on the charting Erik and I had done. On Thursday the 25th I woke at 3 a.m. with a contraction. I knew it was a contraction and woke Erik to tell him. We timed them out and they were about 20-30 minutes apart so we went back to sleep. At least HE went back to sleep. That day at noon we had an appointment with my CNM who checked me and told me I had progressed to 2cm. Our plan was to induce at 17 days "late" if I didn't have him by that point. Giving birth unmedicated was very important to me. We had done our research and practiced and decided that giving birth naturally was the best thing for us.



My Thursday was spent cleaning the house and baking my baby's BIRTHday cake. I was very thankful that my contractions never fully stopped. They slowed a little, but Thursday night I was pretty sure I would be having a baby before Monday. By 10:00pm, just in time for bed, the contractions had gotten to about 10 minutes apart and the pain had become intense enough that I was pretty sure there would be very little sleep in store for me. Sure enough, the contractions intensified and got closer together. I just kept telling myself I wanted to stay at home as long as possible and that any pain I was having would be worse later on so I should just deal with it for as long as possible in my own bed. We wanted to be in the hospital for as little time as necessary.

As the hours passed I began having stronger and stronger contractions that were getting closer together, but not quite close enough... 6-7 minutes apart lasted forever... around 1:00 a.m. I was in so much pain I was getting sick. I felt terrible and yet I was embarrassed and felt bad that Erik had to hold the trash can for me. As I got sick I also messed the bed so we relocated to the "guest" bed room. There Erik tried to get some sleep though I'm pretty sure that goal was never achieved. I kept timing the contractions and we were holding steady at 6-7 minutes apart. My pain continued to increase and when I got up to use the restroom at 3:00 a.m. I bled when I tried to pee. This freaked me out and we decided it was time to get our things together and get to the hospital.

When I checked in at approximately 4 a.m. I had no idea what to expect. I couldn't talk when I was having a contraction so Erik was giving my information. Honestly, even though I was experiencing a pain rated 8 out of 10, I still was telling myself to not be a baby. For all I knew I was still 4 cm and they would tell me to go back home for a while. Well, lucky me, I was a 7-8cm! Thank God. I finally felt like it was okay for me to believe the amount of pressure I was feeling was real.

So we went to the delivery room and we found out I was indeed having contractions about 5 minutes apart. The contractions were "piggy-back" or something like that where right when one was going away it would start again immediately, then after the second one I would get my break. This explained why when Erik would ask if I was having a contraction sometimes I would say "I don't know. I just had one but it still hurts" He was like "huh? how do you not know?"

After a few more hours of contractions they called my midwife and told her where I was. I really wanted her to show up. For some reason I thought when she showed up it would be time to have the baby. But, alas, she came to see me at 8:00 or 8:30 and, at only 9cm, I still had some work to do. I was waiting and waiting for something to change, for some new sign of progress, then POP! (literally a loud bursting noise) there went my water. I thought "OK, any minute now!" Silly me, I hadn't learned anything. Erik and I had studied the Bradley Method of birthing. I knew that the bag of waters had been cushioning the pressure. Consequently, just when I thought the pain wouldn't get worse, it did. But Benjamin wasn't in any hurry.

My mantra throughout the whole process was: "God made my body to do this." "Keep going. I just want to meet my Baby (Benjamin wasn't named until we met him)." "Our Father, Who art in Heaven... Owwwwwwwww... Hallowed be Thy Name...." Erik was a super-hero by my side. He tried everything to make me more comfortable. I just wanted to be in my own world with my own thoughts. I didn't want to be touched or comforted. I didn't want Erik to talk and yet I didn't want him to leave my side. Some family had arrived by now and I hated when he left to greet them, but I knew it was good for his mind and composure to get to talk to people who wanted to talk to him at this special time.

I have never been in a situation that took as much concentration as working though contractions. I have a feeling I never will... but remember, I don't say "I never" anymore. :)
FINALLY, around 9:30 I knew I was ready to start pushing. A lot of people think pushing feels great compared to contractions. I have even heard it can be an "orgasmic" experience. Uh, not so much. Not for me anyway! The only push I found felt any better than all the rest happened at 10:40 a.m. Friday when Benjamin came screaming into the world! My big bundle of joy: 9lbs 1 oz, 21.25in, and healthy as could be.

The rush of emotions and relief was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I was so emotional I didn't cry... if that makes any sense. Holding Benjamin made me so excited I was shaking (or maybe that was my body just shutting down after all the hard work I had endured.) Pride, strength, crazy love, and satisfaction were among the 1,000 feelings that overcame me. Even though it was hard, I would do it again. And I will do it again when we have another baby. Now that I know I can do it why would I have it happen any other way!?

Moms, or soon-to-be-moms, you can go med-free if it's what you want. With a little preparation and dedication you can do it! And if it is something you want, you will be so satisfied when you're done. I promise. Of course this is all just based on my experience. :) If anyone has questions about natural, medication-free delivery I would be happy to answer questions or give more information.

6 Months

WOW... 6 MONTHS!?! Where does time go? I just can hardly believe my baby is already 6 months old. In fact, the only way I can even figure he really has been in my world this long is to think about all the things this little guy has accomplished! At the same time, I feel like I have known Benjamin my entire life. I feel like he has always been a part of me (beyond the biological fact that he has always been part of me,) and I feel like I have never been my whole self without him. Funny how that all works. I think it's all God's divine plan for us to feel this way about our little ones. Unconditional, everlasting love... just like He has for us... AMAZING!

So what has Ben been up to lately?

• Has 2 bottom front teeth


• Sitson his own; moves from tummy to seated on his own (especially when he is mad)


• Has perfected the "superman"


• Does a slow crawl for a few steps before flattening out (he will be in full crawl mode in a matter of days)


• Says Mamamamamamamamama, though he has been saying this since 3months and M seems to be the only consonant he says


• Smiles all the time,


• Laughs all the time


• Looks at everything


• Picks up mashed "finger foods" to eat


• Loves avocado, sweet potato, summer squash, pears, applesauce


• Likes green beans, banana, butternut squash


• Pain-free of reflux(!!!!!!); spits up about half as much as he used to; will wean from meds when he perfects the crawl


• Eats (BM) 5 times during the day and once MOTN (about 5 am)...


• Otherwise sleeps throught the night!


• Has a great grasp and can grab whatever he wants


• Discovered the "If I throw it on the floor they will pick it up" game


• Knows that even if he can't see me behind something, I am still there


• Loves bath time and going swimming. Likes to "splash" and "kick kick kick"


• Soooo much more, but I think I hit on the big ones..

I love this child so very much! Happy 6 months Benjamin! Mommy and Daddy love you!!

Homemade Hallmark Cards

I saw a really cute card at Walgreens when I was looking for a card for my mom's brithday. It was a baby with Froot Loops spilled all over the bed on the front. When you open it, the card reads "It's your Birthday. Go ahead... have breakfast in bed."

The card was SO cute, but I thought to myself, Ben is WAYYY cuter than that baby. So we went home without a purchase. I put Ben on my bed. I put an empty bottle on the bed and poured Lucky Charms all around him. Then I had the photos developed and made the card myself by gluing the photo to cardstock and writing the message by hand.

If you have a birthday coming up and usually get a card from me, here's your preview. To everyone else, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

FAMILY VACATION

Just thought I would share some fun photos of our trip to Sea Island, Georgia. It was such a great family vacation... too bad I just heard the city went bankrupt... I hope they get that all figured out so we can go back and enjoy ourselves in a few years!

Swimming with Cousins

Fun in the kiddie pool

First trip to the ocean

Hanging with Jackson

Swimming with Grandma, Grandpa, and Jackson

It's tough being in charge

2 hours ago our baby boy fell asleep. In his crib. On his own. After 18 minutes of crying.

This is Day 8 of CIO (Crying it out) and I can not wait for the day that he does not have to cry any more to fall asleep. So far it was 50, 35, 30, 20, 25, 30, 19,18 minutes from day 1 thru 8. We are seeing improvement, but not much, and certainly not very quickly.

I have told many people that from day 1 Erik and I could tell we have an active child. At his 1 week doctor visit our pediatrician straight up said "I can tell you have a 'high-energy' baby here." He also told us that we had a lot on our plate and that Ben might need a lot of attention to keep entertained and occupied. We he was right!

CIO was not my preferred method of sleep training. We rocked Ben to sleep every night until 8 nights ago. The problem was that maybe one night a week we would actually get him in bed at a decent time without him waking up again to be rocked. The other six nights of the week consisted of either: Erik or I rocking him to sleep for about 2 hours, until he was really 'out' to be placed in his crib... OR one of us rocking him to sleep, transferring him to the crib successfully, only for him to awaken at his 45 minute sleep cycle and cry until we got him (never let that be more than a minute) and rocked him back to sleep.

Benjamin got to the point where he would just fight sleep (and me sometimes, with arms flailing, pulling hair, biting my chin, etc) and the entire night would be gone without Erik and I even having a chance to chat. So once the two-hour rocking bouts became battles we decided CIO might be what we need to do. And even though he is crying some to fall asleep, this process seems to be working and he is taking LESS time overall to fall asleep. YAY!

But geez, you should watch this kid cry! The first couple nights I cried because it was hard to handle. Benjamin flings his body around like a two year old having a tantrum! He bounces side to side like a pin ball. He rolls back and forth kicking his legs and swinging his arms. He doesn't really cry even... He just screams! And since we dealt with reflux, I know it's no kind of painful scream/cry; it's purely a protest scream. He gets SO mad. Seriously, if he wouldn't get mad - if he was just sad for a few minutes, he would be out in a matter of minutes!

Hopefully he will learn soon. We hate to hear him cry. We know he's unhappy and that makes us unhappy. But I know we made the right choice for our family, and I know we were going to get to the point where we had to let him know who is the boss, and that the boss says when bedtime is. It's just so hard to do sometimes! Hoping tomorrow night or the next is only 5 minutes! Or 2,1, or 0 would be nice too!

(Everyone who knows about Ben's reflux, please take note, we did not even think about attempting CIO until we knew it was under control with medication.)

Never Will I Ever

I am quickly learning that I should not say "I will never ____" (fill in the blank.)
Why?
Let's see...

When I was single I said:

• I will never get married.
• I will never have kids.

When I met the most wonderful man on Earth and decided it would be okay to get married I said:

• I will never have kids until we've been married for five years.
• I will never be a just stay-at-home mom. (yah I said that... nitwit!)
• I will never go to bed angry.
• I will never stop loving my dogs like they're my children.

Now I'm a stay-at-home mommy (2 years after marriage) and I have gone to bed angry. Rarely, but it has happened. And since having Ben I have said:

• I will never feed my baby solids before he is 6 months.
• I will never let my baby cry it out.
• I will never let my baby watch TV.
• I will never get tired of cuddling my baby.
• And another ton of I nevers that I won't remember until I have to eat my words.

Today I clipped Ben's nails while letting him stare at the TV so he would hold still. I started feeding Ben solids at 4.5 months in hopes that it would help his reflux. And Erik and i just spent our 3rd night of crying-it-out hoping he would fall asleep "any minute." It has become such a fight at night getting Ben to cuddle and rock to sleep (which used to put him out very quick) that it just seemed like sleep training was the best thing for everyone. I will be posting about this experience tomorrow when Ben is trying to fall asleep...hopefully a good distraction...

I wish I was smart enough to never say I never again. :)

A Confession to Make

Okay, okay... so for the last six weeks or so (ever since my last post) I had more time to do fun things like blog. But heres my confession: I have become waaaayyy unorganized! Lately when I have thought "OK self, let's blog" I have logged in only to get totally carried away with reading everyone else's blogs! Wait it gets worse..... Not only am I reading friends' blogs and friends of friends blogs, but I am just being a lurker, not taking time to leave comments or anything. I've just been reading and not writing a single word!

So Thank You to bloggers near and far, for distracting me from my intentions. I've had even more time on my hands the last few nights (I'll tell you why in another post) and decided it's time to stop reading, lurking, and procrastinating. Now it is time to write.